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EXPRESSLUBE like to think that they have a great sense of humour, and would like to share some funny bits with you. If you come across a funny story, picture or a joke, please send it on an email, and it might make it onto the site.

Tommy Cooper once said....
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places"
The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands.
Police say that he topped himself.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle

Paddy and Mick were both laid off from their jobs in a clothing factory, so they went to the unemployment office.

When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, "Panty Stitcher - I sew da elastic onto ladies cotton panties and tongs."
The clerk looked up panty stitcher on his computer and, finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him 80 a week unemployment pay.

Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, "Diesel fitter." Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick 160 a week.

When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker were collecting double his pay.
The Clerk explained, "Panty Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel fitters are skilled labour."

"What skill?" yelled Paddy? "I sew da elastic on da panties and tongs, and then Mick puts 'em over his head and says: "Yep, diesel fitter."


People falling from boats (funny video - click to open a new window)

The Front Fell Off (funny video - click to open a new window)

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Updated 04/03/2008